Round 7 2011 – Lions v Suns

In Adelaide, the match between Port and the Crows is called the ‘Showdown’. They are up to Showdown XXI, or something like that. Note that some genius (dickhead)  has adopted the US Superbowl use of Roman letters, as if most Port supporters would know what that means? Actually, I have to remind myself that I have changed my views about Port – they are club with tradition, more than 100 years, as opposed to those pretty boy blow-in Crows. Sorry Margaret. It’s not that I actively support Port, I couldn’t care less about either side, but I have reduced my outward bagging of them. Anyway, everywhere else on the planet the much anticipated clash between neighbouring teams is referred to as a ‘Local derby’. Call me a traditionalist, but I like this. So what the fuck is the ‘Q clash’ supposed to be? Jeez, marketers give the me the shits.

Last weekend the Bombers had a 93 point lead over the Suns after the first quarter. NINETY-THREE POINTS IN ONE QUARTER. That is completely ridiculous. If the Lions dont flog the Suns I feel sure coach Voss is going to blow a gasket. And so he should. Not that he is without blame for the mess which the Lions are in – the signing of that idiot Fevola was the catalyst for blowing the salary costs sky high, which in turn (must have) contributed to the departure of seriously good players – Rischitelli, Bradshaw and Brennan. The Suns are complete crap. But at least they have won a match, against Port, much to the apparent embarrassment of all the Port players.

I have snatch a look at the score Suns 3.2.20 Lions 0.0.0. Sweet Lord Jesus, this cannot be true. Deep breathing. In. Out. Come on boys. Briggsy will surely jump the fence and tonk someone if the Lions lose. I remember a match I played for the (mighty) Western District Bulldogs circa 1977 when we played so badly that the coach denied us oranges at half time. On another occasion the performance was so insipid we had to run laps after the game. Would that be enough shame for these so-called professional footballers? Update, Suns 6.3.39 Lions 2.1.13. Fuck me! Where is Brownie when we need him? Ah yes, probably in the dressing room waiting to give his teammates a bollocking.

I switch focus to watch the French Connection, what a cracking film from 1971. Very gritty, and the scene when Gene Hackman confiscates a car in order to chase the bad guy who has hijacked the subway train is terrific. I have another peek at the footy score, it’s not good…

Sunday dawns. The kids have been told that under no circumstances is Lisa to be woken up before 7.00 am, on account of it being Mothers Day. They comply, it’s a miracle.

The Lions lost by 8 points. Voss is not happy. I watch the highlights. Jack too. He comments that the main reason they lost was because they were wearing that insipid white Away jersey. It actually looked like a pretty good match, Lions were behind all night but drew level with 5 minutes to go. Gold Coast look to have received a favourable penalty in the dying minute or so and kicked a goal, but perhaps the highlights are misleading. The Lions are planted at the bottom of the table, but at least they are not being beaten by 50 points every week. Some consolation…

The other event of the weekend was the death of the great Spanish golfer Seve Ballesteros. Often the nemesis of the Shark (who was my hero) in the 80′s Seve played like no one else. He hit impossible shots, had superb touch around the greens and when he was on-song he was unbeatable. I love this pic of him, having an absolute slash at a shot in the 1988 Open – he shot 65 in the last round to win by 2. RIP

Readers may also be interested in the 21st Century blog reflections of my niece, Lucy, aka the dresser upper who I think has a terrific knack for story telling, which her Pop, Dad, would be proud of. It was his birthday yesterday, by the way, happy birthday Dad, you are much missed.

Gold Coast: 18.16 (124) – N Krakouer 5, B Matera 2, L Patrick 2, T Lynch 2, D Harris, D Stanley, J Brennan, J Daye, M Shaw, S Iles, T McKenzie

Brisbane: 17.14 (116) – A McGrath 6, D Rich 3, M Clark 2, T Banfield 2, C Beams, J Adcock, J Polkinghorne, S Black

Round 1 2011 – Lions v Freo

“Dockers hand Lions early pain” – ABC

“Fremantle sneak past unlucky Lions” – Foxtel

“Loss adds to woes for Lions” – The Age

“Dockers give Lions a bloody nose” Courier-Mail

“That really fucking hurt. We just didnt deserve to lose that one” – Mark Briggs

“Browny got knocked out, Dad. Seriously, he did, Dad!” – Jack Hogarth

A new season has dawned. I feel a little underwhelmed by the occasion. From my perspective, as a mildly enthusiastic supporter residing a couple of thousand kilometres away from the ‘Gabba, it seemed to me that all of the issues associated with getting rid of that idiot Fevola over the last 6 months diverted attention from the day to day activities of running a football club. I was never especially pleased that Fev was a Lion, despite the occasional miracle goal in 2010. My ever lasting memory of Fevola will be the post-match image of him sitting on ground as a Carlton player following the Lions miracle Qualifying Final win in 2009, sooking, rather than shaking the hands of the opposition and hanging out with his team mates. I thought, there is a fella who only looks after himself, glad he’s not one of ‘us’! Little did I know…

Anyway, that’s all done, and so is the first match of the year, a 2 point loss to the Dockers. I don’t mind them, nice jersey, perennial surprisers, good battlers. Jeez, I hate Collingwood though, and think it might be a long season of disappointment for me watching them win lots. The Cats could be strong though, perhaps the Dogs. St Kilda maybe? Nah, too much pain from previous losses, I can’t see them coming back.

What do you think?

Dockers: 13.16 (94) – C Mayne 2, M Walters 2, A Sandilands, D Mundy, H Ballantyne, J Pitt, K Bradley, N Fyfe, N Lower, N Suban, S Hill

Lions: 14.8 (92) – J Brown 3, C Beams 2, D Rich 2, T Banfield 2, J O’Brien, J Polkinghorne, M Clark, R Bewick, R Lester

Ashes to Ashes, the Aus XI are toast

Half of Queensland is underwater. It’s a complete nightmare for thousands of people across the State who have been evacuated and lost everything except their proverbial shirts. The Australian cricket team will surely be hoping the rain continues, and that once it stops there is a catastrophic bushfire, tsunami or similar natural disaster. Anything, just to keep the spotlight from shining, as it inevitably would if it was a quiet news week, on the terrible form of the Aus XI.

The final Ashes test at the SCG ends tomorrow. Australia has been completely outplayed. For the first time in 134 years the national team has lost three Tests in a series by an innings. The team has plunged to depths which I have not seen the 1980′s. The nation’s sporting public will not stand for it and the floods are the only reason the lamentable form will (most likely) not be plastered over every newspaper front page tomorrow with ‘in-depth’ analysis and critique etc.

This got me thinking. Pondering in fact. Winning and losing. In the current circumstances I am not sure they are different sides of the same coin. Perhaps it is because the Australian cricket team has won so much, won everything, for almost two decades, that the whole of idea of losing in cricket, especially test cricket, so badly, seems, to me, well, unreal. Not possible. Australia just doesnt get beaten so badly.

I was hanging out the washing, as you do, and remembered all those stories about the Aus XI having beers with the opposition teams after a match, and how I use to think ‘Gee, that’s great sportsmanship, having a beer with the blokes you have been battling against in tough, hard Test cricket.’ But then I thought, hang on, much easier to invite yourself to the opposition sheds for a beer when you have just flogged them for the umpteenth time in a row. What’s it like for the losers when the opposition knock on the shed doors, ‘Gday fellas, fancy cold one?’ ‘How about you and your cold one go fuck yourselves’ wouldnt be an inexcusable response. That this idea only dawned on me today is ridiculous, I know, but in my defence I guess I had never had to think about what it might be like.

So, where does that leave us? Me? The followers and fans? Who is responsible? (The ABC has a poll on this one and the Selectors are looking shaky!) Whose head(s) will roll? What next? What spin and gloss will the ACB put on it all? (On the topic of ‘spin’ is it just me or does anyone else read the Lions website and newsletters and think they are talking about another team, not one getting flogged each week with certain dysfunctional players on the list who seem to remain unmentioned i.e. Fev??) And will anyone turn up to the one-day and 20/20 games? And why wasnt the captain responding to the good questions from the ABC – the team management trotted out Shane Watson who was ‘on message’, what fucking drivel, including a repetition of the reasons why England swing the ball all over the place whereas the Australian bowlers are gun-barrel straight – it’s all about the pitch scuffing up the ball, apparently. What shit. Appalling responses. When the ship is going down, the captain must face the music. Seriously ordinary.

But I promised myself I wouldnt get abusive or angry about a sporting result. It’s just a game. Deep breathing… I wish the Australian team members well. They have all worked hard to get a baggy green, and strived to the reach the top, it’s just that the top is really pretty close to the bottom nowadays. So be it. I hope they welcome the victorious Poms to their dressing rooms tomorrow and while drinking their  beer reflect on how the fuck they are going to survive the media and public cyclone that is headed their way. Dont be surprised if they try a rain dance.

Sporting dispatches

There have been three recent events worthy of some notation. Last weekend the kids had a ice skating birthday party. On the drive home I mentioned that I had chatted with Briggsy about the state of the first Ashes test at the ‘Gabba in Brisbane. ‘Who’s Briggsy? asked Jack’s mate, Henry. Jack thought about this for a moment. ‘Who’s Briggsy?’ Henry asked again with some urgency. Jack responded, ‘He’s kind of an athlete’.

Yesterday was Milo Cricket. Kids everywhere, aged 5 to 7. They got in to groups of 5 and played a mock game with a parent bowling and kids rotating through wicket keeper, batsman and fielders. Jack tonked the ball all over the place and made three run-outs with direct hits from 20m or so. Parents did a doubletake!

Finally to this morning and a game of backyard cricket. This followed a session in the nets at Rose Park State School. The kid is keen… Perhaps he could get a call up for the Aus XI, they are getting plastered all over the Adelaide Oval at the moment. Anyway, Jack commented how much the ball bounced when I did spin bowling. I was curious. ‘How do you know it’s spin bowling?’ I asked. ‘Because your hand is different at the top’. A 6 year old watching a ball from hand – that’s pretty impressive.

New arrivals

No, this is not about refugees and the (so-called) immigration debate, although I have a story about that too. No, this is about the much anticipated arrival of the three new girls into the chicken coop, previously known as the toolshed. Witness thy transformation…

Our three new friends are Scarlett, Rocky (named by Jack and the bully of the group) and Charlotte (the chicken formerly known as Alice, Annabelle changed her mind after an hour or so). No eggs yet, make take a week or two. Ruby seems a bit mesmerised by them, she races up to the wire wagging her tail, the girls have already sussed out the purpose of the fence and seem quite relaxed.

Round 22 – Lions v Swans

Time: Saturday, 28 August, 2010, approx 10.00 p.m.

Place: Corner Dulwich Avenue and Stuart Road, Dulwich, South Australia

“What’s the moron doing?”, says Annabelle, aged 6.

“He’s a disgrace”, continues Jack, also aged 6.

Wild and unadulterated laughter follows from both, plus their mother, aged, a little older.

The circumstances which led up to this event are a little hazy for your faithful scribe, but include, in (mostly) chronological order: a lovely 50km afternoon cycle in the Adelaide Hills; quick shower and freshen up; attendance at our chums’ Shane and Helen’s house; beer; another beer; yummy dips; lovely snappy riesling; wife finds her iPhone submerged in a sink full of dirty water (not quite up to Lucy’s high standard of putting it through the washing machine, but it was underwater for 45 minutes – and STILL WORKS!); several glasses of 18 year old red; dinner; dancing to various iTunes; further wine; more dancing; indoor soccer with over-tired children; car ride home by sober wife; departure from the car on the drive home on the corner Dulwich Avenue and Stuart Road, Dulwich, South Australia on account of feeling a little ‘whoozie’.It’s not that I was going to throw up, it’s just that I thought some fresh air and a wander home for the last kilometre would do me good. And clearly it provided the rest of the family with some amusement. I think I was probably a little dehydrated from the afternoon ride. Yeah, that’s it, I am sure…

Worse was to follow as I awoke at 3.15 am barely able to move my right leg. What the? The dancing had got the better of me and I spent the next 2 days hobbling around like a 95 year old, banging away Nurofen. It even kept me off the bike and I had to get a lift in a car to work, eek, third time in 4 years. My dancin days are officially over.

Oh yeah, the football. Last game of the regular season, Lions v Sydney. Didnt see it, dunno much about it, but Brown was out (not sure why) and they lost by 38 points. Briggsy commented that it was a lacklustre affair and was glad that the season was over. Not really a rollercoaster season, more like falling slowly, but inevitably, off a medium sized hill, from near the top to near the bottom. The highlights for me, regarding the Lions at least, were Round 1 live at the ‘Gabba with my mates, and Round 10 versus the Pies.  How sweet that one was.

Anyway, that’s me for the Lions this year. Been great writing about it and getting your views and comments. Top 8 in 2011 would be a big achievement. A few positives – Brown still a giant, but injuries an increasing worry; Mitch Clark seemed to mature; Merrett inconsistent and subject to increasingly regular brain explosions; McGrath inconsistent; Staker mostly up, but needs a haircut, according to Jack; Black and Power slowing down; Rich and Sherman getting better; Banfield and Rockliff up and coming; Brennan sublime sometimes but needs to step up as a senior player; Rischetelli terrific; Maguire looked good in parts; Drummond missed; Trav RIP; and Fev a complete goose.

Thanks for the memories…

Sydney: 16.10 (106) – K Jack 3, T Dennis-Lane 3, A Goodes, B Meredith, J Bolton, J Kennedy, J McVeigh, L Jetta, N Malceski, R O’Keefe, R Shaw, S Reid.

Brisbane: 10.8 (68) – J Brennan 2, A Proud, B Staker, J Adcock, J Polkinghorne, L Power, P Hanley, T Banfield, T Collier.

Round 21 – Lions v Bombers

A victory of sorts.

Last weekend was very difficult for me. Nothing to do with football, all to do with the election. At times I felt scared, despondent, hollow, alone and angry, especially angry. Angry enough to toss the mobile phone wallwards. Miraculously it continued working, but the screen is stuffed. It’s a bit like carrying a small version of a 1970′s home phone, one with the number dialling device, I can receive and make calls but have to refer to a paper address book, or memory, for a phone number. SMS is a dud. It beeped a few times late Saturday night, but I couldnt respond. Not that I didnt want to. I was perplexed at the Labor seats falling one by one. At the prospect of Tony Abbott becoming Prime Minister. I shudder, heavily, at the thought. I wondered if the beeps were comrades with condolences, or Lib mates having a sledge. Even without being able to access them I have some inkling of Mum’s annoyance at me phoning her after the Keating victory all those years, Jesus, that seems a lifetime ago, oh for a leader with any vision beyond the current budget cycle. Through the anger I have decided to boycott ALL media sources for election ‘analysis’. I just cant take it. It’s not the ABCs fault per se, it is the lacklustre and uninspiring political ‘leaders’  and the focus on personality and pettiness over policy and substance. I feel robbed. Robbed by spin and crap and mediocrity. And avoidance seems the best medicine.

As for the footy, Jack and I had a beautiful time watching the Lions defeat the Bombers. He slipped out of the room during the second quarter and returned wearing every piece of Lions clobber he could lay his hands on! Cute boy.

Brown, playing his 200th game, was imperious, especially in the first half. He monstered his young opposing backman. Dustin Fletcher was out of the Bombers, would have been interesting to see the old veteran against Brown. He slowed down in the second half, the whole side did mostly, but by then they had the game wrapped up. What a novelty! Rich and Rischitelli had blinders (hope the latter doesnt go the Gold Coast), Power, Clark, McGrath and Black also very good. Even Merrett got through a game without completely fucking something simple up. The Bombers were ordinary, but I dont mind. Jack commented ‘Dad, Stephen in Byron Bay wont be happy’. ‘No, son, he wont. But I’ll buy him a consoling drink we visit in September’.

The other highlight was Annabelle’s pony party, cancelled from the previous wet, windy and awfully cold weekend. Sunday was cool but clear blue skies, hooray. The kids had a ball.

Lions: 14.11 (95) – J Brown 4, T Banfield 3, M Rischitelli 2, J Adcock, J Brennan, J Polkinghorne, J Redden, M Clark

Bombers: 10.8 (68) – K Reimers 2, A Monfries, B Howlett, B Stanton, D Hille, D Myers, J Carlisle, J Neagle, M Marigliani

PS Throughout this election nightmare I am pleased to report that The Smiths have copped a flogging. Morrissey’s tones and Johnny Marr’s guitar get me through anything.

PPS The only thing I miss from the election is the Gruen Nation. Brilliant!